Despite the increasing number of expats in Da Nang, it seems people here still aren’t used to hearing a foreigner speak Vietnamese. Here’s a few of my favorite reactions I get when trying to order food.
The Interview
Me: (in Vietnamese) Can I have a bowl of noodle soup please?
Waitress: *gasp* Wow, you can speak Vietnamese?! Oh my god! How long have you studied?
Me: About three years.
Waitress: *another gasp* How long have you lived in Vietnam?
Me: About five years.
Waitress: Wow! How old are you?
Me: 28 (in Vietnamese years)
Waitress: *a third gasp* Are you married?
Me: Not yet.
Waitress: (mild disapproval on her face) You should marry a Vietnamese girl.
Me: Maybe.
Waitress: Marry a Da Nang girl! They are so lovely.
Me: Maybe.
Waitress: What’s your job?
Me: I’m a tour guide.
Waitress: Wow, so you have a big tour company and you take people around to Marble Mountain and the Cham Museum and Hoi An and Hue and Saigon and Hanoi and Ha Long Bay?
Me: No, I have a small company, and I only work in Da Nang.
Waitress: (more disapproval) You should have a big company. It’s better.
Me: Thank you.
Waitress: How much is your salary?
Me: Enough to live (with a smile).
Waitress: Where do you live?
Me: (getting quite hungry now) Near the beach.
Waitress: How much do you pay in rent each month?
Me: Sorry, um, could I please have my soup now?
transition to Time Bomb scenario
The Time Bomb
Me: Can I have a bowl of noodle soup please?
Waitress: (Face registers shock but then quickly returning to deadpan. Voiced strained trying to hold in excitement) Sure.
Waitress walk-runs toward the back of the restaurant, where, not quite out of earshot, the following conversation takes place:
Waitress: Oh my god! That foreigner can speak Vietnamese!!
Waiter: Really???
Waitress: Yeah, he speaks Vietnamese like a Vietnamese person. He speaks Vietnamese fluently! (I don’t.) He’s so good, it makes me scared! (It shouldn’t.)
Waiter: Wow!! I bet he’s been in Vietnam a long time!
Waitress: Yeah, he speaks Vietnamese so clearly! I’m so surprised! Go see for yourself!
Waiter: (Comes out with my soup. Places it on the table politely, but without a word to me and without looking me in the eye.)
Waitress: See, I told you!
Waiter: I didn’t say anything to him. I was too scared!
The ‘Shock & Awe’ Face
Me: Can I have a bowl of noodle soup please?
Waitress (Just stares at me, mouth agape. Doesn’t say anything or register my response in any discernible way)
Me: Excuse me, Miss? Can I have a bowl of noodle soup please?
Waitress (still staring at me, mouth slightly less open, nods her head twice in acknowledgement, but doesn’t move)
Me: (noticing the waitress is still standing there staring at me with her mouth open) OK, thanks, um, can I please have it now?
Waitress (still without saying anything, turns and walks back to the kitchen, where I hear the Time Bomb scenario take place)
The Retreater
Me (approaching the waitress, in Vietnamese): Hi, could I please ha—-
Waitress (Raising both hands in a defensive posture, palms outward in front of her face, while turning her head to the side and slightly down, as if ducking for cover from an eminent attack) I can’t speak English! I can’t speak English!
Turns away and runs to the back of the restaurant while shouting to her friend/co-worker) Who knows how to speak English?!?
Me (shouting after her as she runs away): Um, I can speak Vietnamese!
Waiter: (shyly approaching me, and in his very best but very broken English) Es kyoo mee, waa wu yoo lye too ee [= Excuse me, what would you like to eat]?
Me (in Vietnamese): Yes, can I please have a bowl of noodle soup?
repeat Time Bomb scenario
To hear a real-live foreigner speak Vietnamese and witness some of the above scenarios in action, book a morning or evening Da Nang Food Tour.
